Satirical celebrity Christmas cards featuring the infamous Olsen twins

In the tradition of satirical Christmas cards, this card depicts the two Olsen twins, Scary and Scarier. Their elfin features seem to have been chiseled from recycled materials and bleached with acid. The twins’ attire has them appearing anorexic in a stylishly bizarre outfit. From the platform shoes to the top of their color coordinated Christmas hats, this Christmas card portrays a picture of elegantly modern waifism.

A little background would see appropriate here. Mary-Kate and Ashley’s mother, “reluctantly” following a friend’s advice, took the four-month-old twins for an audition of the part of Michelle Tanner on Full House. Wonder of wonders, they were chosen to share the part. Was it because of their unique beauty? No. Was it because they were identical and could portray one person well? No. The actual reason was that when they were held they didn’t cry. From that auspicious beginning the twins were off and running to pursue a career of mediocre talent and immense riches.

Mary-Kate and Ashley’s parents apparently got over their reluctance to have their children’s lives disrupted by fame for they allowed them to continue pursuing the money wagon with sales of books and dolls reflecting their image. They were so popular and their products sold so well that they formed a company to expand the twins’ various products and projects. At six, these precocious children were producers of their own videos. Their future was a great big money tree, with a line of clothing, perfume, over 40 videos, and several movies.

Through all this, Mary-Kate (what is with the hyphenated name?!?) and Ashley were growing up as normal kids. They had an allowance of $10 a week until they turned 18. Puhleeze!! Like they didn’t get everything they wanted…didn’t they employ their parents in the company? Weren’t they the bosses? Mary-Kate said “we’re normal teenagers – except we travel more and we run a company.” NOT! Hey, but maybe that’s the message inside these Christmas cards.