The Lohans wish us all an Adequite Christmas in their holiday cards

Sometimes, you come across a family that puts the fun back in dysfunction. Usually, this family is fictional, as is the case with the Connors on Roseanne. But in this new millennium, the dysfunction is real, or at least, as real as reality shows such as MTV’s The Osbournes. It’s no wonder, then, that it’s not hard to imagine a dysfunctional Christmas at the Lohans’ residence.

It seems you cannot open a magazine or surf a website without coming across a Lohan. Sometimes it’s Ali, younger sister of Lindsey and co-star of – you guessed it – a reality show with her mother, Dina Lohan. Sometimes it’s Michael, the estranged father who seems to enjoy using the limelight to criticize his ex-wife and his eldest daughter’s girlfriend. Often it’s Lindsey herself, seen “hosting” a club gig, fighting and making up with Samantha Ronson (her lesbian lover), or blogging on her MySpace page about everything from Britney Spears to Barack Obama to, well, her dad!

All of the Lohans are present on a satirical Christmas greeting card imagined by the bloggers at Gallery of the Absurd. Dina, known for partying with her daughters, is shown surrounded by Lindsay, Ali, and youngest brother, Cody. Michael is off to the side, decked out in high-waisted “Mom” jeans and a crucifix. The Christmas card wishes everyone an “Adequite” Christmas, which is a callback to the statement Lindsey made upon the passing of her onetime director and mentor, Robert Altman, asking everyone to “BE ADEQUITE.” It’s not easy being in the spotlight, where even your most sincere (but misused and misspelled) words are picked apart.

One can only imagine what it’s really like to be “Living Lohan.” After all, Ali is all of 14 and looks about as old as her mother. Dina seems like she wants to be a sister more than a mother. Michael…well, he appears to be going after every last second of his 15 minutes in the spotlight. It’s no wonder that Lindsey, a talented child actress seen first in the remake of The Parent Trap and later in such films as Freaky Friday and Mean Girls, became a tabloid target and rehab returnee.

If we had one Christmas wish for this family, it would be for youngest brother, Michael Jr., to stay out of the paparazzi crosshairs and succeed at growing into his twenties without the bird’s eye view of tabloid readers and gossip columnists. We’ll send our letter in to Santa and hope for a Christmas miracle! Perhaps we can use this Christmas card as support for our case!