Arnold Schwarzenegger, Christmas Cards and Movie Remakes to Save His Image
Wednesday, June 1st, 2011 by ernbauNow that Arnold Schwarzenegger has admitted to fathering a son after having had a “dalliance” with a member of his household staff, it would be interesting to see once his now-on-hold movie career resumes, what “remakes” he might star in which could presumably vault him again to the top of the box office charts.
“The Christmas Card of 1941” – In the wake of the attack on Pearl Harbor, a soldier and his best girl worry whether they may be spending their last Christmas together. Arnold would be the soldier while his girlfriend could be played by soon-to-be ex-wife Maria Shriver, in the remake whose title could be changed to “ The Christmas Card of 2011”, ensuring they would NOT be spending Christmas together or exchanging Christmas cards ever again.
“It’s a Wonderful Life” – Arnold could play the part of George Bailey, only in this version the angel just lets him jump off the bridge anyway. (He would deserve it.)
“Back to the Future” – Marty McFly (played, of course, by Arnold) escapes from the Libyans and is propelled back to 1955 where, thankfully, he stays.
“Commando” – Reprising his role as John Matrix, older and more-wrinkled, he is again the target of every conceivable type of weapon—bullets, grenades, Uzis, you name it—but only this time hiding behind a sticker bush doesn’t protect him, and he expires within the first 10 minutes of the movie.
“The King’s Speech” – The remake would be renamed “The Governor’s Speech” and it would be about Schwarzenegger again becoming the governor of California, only this time he is forced to go to a speech therapist (who happens to be a beautiful female) since his constituents have trouble understanding him. After many late-night, exhaustive sessions, no solution to his problem is found and he is forced to resign in shame after the therapist gives birth to his child.
If anyone would think that any of these juicy roles would catapult Arnold Schwarzenegger into Oscar consideration, I would think that rather than having any chance of being awarded the 8-pound gold statuette, he would almost assuredly be given a loud Bronx cheer. Hasta la vista, baby!









