Ain't that cute! It's the whole Kardashian crew smiling for their Christmas cards photo. What an interesting bunch...and that's all I'm going to say.

I’m sending a Christmas card to Hollywood this year. I’m going to ask the big wigs out there to stop shoving reality television down my throat. Think they’ll take the time to read it?

Remember back in the good old days when the only Kardashian anyone had ever heard of was Robert, lawyer to O.J. Simpson? Times have changed. In 2007, a new family entered the reality TV sphere. Keeping Up with the Kardashians follows the lives of Kris, the matriarch, her second husband, Bruce Jenner, and kids Kourtney, Kim, Khloé, Rob, Kendall, and Kylie. I’m still not quite sure what these people are famous for. I did a little research and apparently, Kim is best known for her social life. Wow, what an accomplishment. She appears to be following in the footsteps of other “famous for being famous” stars like Paris Hilton, complete with unauthorized sex tape. Of course, that’s all it takes to get you a spot on Dancing with the Stars these days. At least Bruce Jenner was an Olympian… not that his plastic surgeon will be winning any medals in the Face Lift category. Yikes!

So, what is it that these people do??? Apparently, Kris Kardashian manages her daughters’ careers. The girls own a boutique called DASH and participate in various reality shows. I know it’s not their fault, but the fact that their names all begin with the letter K really bugs me. Hey, Kris – stop trying so hard!

Remember the show Eight is Enough? Well, not for this family. Khloé is married to L.A. Laker Lamar Odom, and Kourtney recently had a son, Mason. Don’t think the family is big enough? Well, check out their 2009 Christmas cards. There are the Jenners, and the Kardashians, and Lamar, and pregnant Kourtney. And amidst all of that stands Ryan Seacrest.

Although the edition of the heir to Dick Clark’s throne seems kind of odd, he is the executive producer of the family’s reality show, so it’s not completely out there after all. The family that plays together stays together? I don’t know. If I were Bruce, I’d give him back his trademark sign off and say “Seacrest – out!”

It took me a while to figure out that this Christmas card is actually a photo from Khloé and Lamar’s wedding day. At first I scrutinized the photo, mocking Kris and Kourtney for wearing almost the same dress, wondering why everyone was in purple. And then I realized that Khloé was wearing a wedding dress. Do you see what reality television does? It rots the mind to the point where even the obvious becomes puzzling!

Oh Paul! What were you thinking marrying such a shameless desperado? Your fans are very relieved that your Christmas cards this year won't be signed by this loon.

I can imagine that Paul McCartney and his ex-wife, Heather Mills, will never, ever be exchanging Christmas cards again in this or in any other lifetime. As a Beatle fanatic and a McCartney devotee in particular, it still makes me mad to think of the garbage that that lying so-and-so must have put the ex-Beatle through during their several years together. Surely, Paul’s children won’t be sending Christmas cards to Mills either since it was widely reported that they had tried to convince their father not to marry her, probably because they could see right through her. So bad.

Now, I know that it’s been a few years since she and Paul McCartney have divorced, but I still get angry when thinking of what she put him through and that superior attitude she has about herself or the exaggerating of the truth about her life’s accomplishments and Paul’s alleged misdeeds. She claims that McCartney physically abused not only her during their marriage but also his first wife – the deceased Linda McCartney. Yeah right! If Paul had done anything to the lovely Linda, I’m sure at some point during his 29 year marriage to her something would have come out about some violent act he did to her somewhere along the line, don’t you think? Unlike Mills, Linda and Paul made a lovely couple who probably sent out memorable Christmas cards each year.

It has been reported that the night before Heather Mills and Paul McCartney were to be wed, she threw her expensive engagement ring out the window during an angry argument with her husband-to-be, where he supposedly was overheard saying, “Let’s call off the wedding!” He should have. The result of their divorce was Mills being awarded $38.5 million, down from her asking price of five times that amount! (It’s still a lot of money, but he’ll have to carry that weight.) After the amount of the award was announced by the judge – who stated, “Mills case was inconsistent, inaccurate and less than candid while McCartney was honest.” – Mills erupted by pouring water on the head of McCartney’s attorney! Smart move.

Mills will go to any lengths in order to make people think she is a poor, innocent victim. In fact, Mills has a history of lying, having seen a psychiatrist years ago for that specific problem. She has lied about her employment history, instances of sexual abuse as a child, and other aspects of her life. A man, who during the 1990s was to marry her five days before she called it off, has stated: “Heather had a somewhat elastic relationship with the truth, which she was able to stretch impressively.” She has said she will never speak badly of Paul; however, she has threatened to release tapes of McCartney supposedly proving that he was a drug and alcohol addict. So far, no tapes have surfaced.

In any event, McCartney has survived this long and winding road smelling like a rose with his reputation intact. He continues – as he approaches his 68th birthday – to play sold-out concerts all around the world and is still considered the most successful composer in music history. And it’s getting better all the time because now, on his arm, McCartney sports a new girl friend, socialite Nancy Shevell, a respected businesswoman who is vice president of a family-owned transportation conglomerate and a member of the board of the New York Metropolitan Transportation Authority. Although there have been rumors of a McCartney-Shevell wedding, it appears as if they’re just happy being with each other and there will be no more lonely nights for McCartney.

However, Nancy should beware – it’s not likely that there will be any sending of Christmas cards between herself and the jealous and arrogant Heather Mills in the near future. Let it be.

This image created for FreakingNews.com would make perfect Christmas cards for Julia Robert, since she is known in Hollywoodland for shielding her children from the media.

Julia Roberts is known in Hollywood for shielding her twins, Finn and Hazel, and son, Henry, from the paparazzi, which is why this image (created for FreakingNews.com) would make perfect Julia Roberts Christmas cards. Julia tries very hard to protect her children from any type of media exposure, and gets extremely angry when anyone tries to take their picture. She feels that the paparazzi are out of hand and that they shouldn’t take pictures of celebrities’ children. I fully agree, but unfortunately, that’s the price you pay for fame.

Julia Fiona Roberts was born in Atlanta October 28, 1967, to Betty and Walter Roberts. Her dream was to become a veterinarian, but after she graduated from Campbell High School, she left for New York and attended acting classes at Click Modeling Agency. One of Roberts’ first big-screen appearances was in Mystic Pizza in l988, but her big break was in Pretty Women in 1990. Today, Julia is one of the most sought-after talents in Hollywood.

Julia dated quit a few actors before she married Daniel Moder, a cameraman whom she met on the set of The Mexican. Julia and Danny let their family and friends know about her pregnancy in their Christmas cards, which read, “Love, Danny, Julia, Hazel, Phinnaeus and our little miracle.” It seems Julia lives for her children; Hazel and Phinnaeus are four-year-old twins and the little miracle, Henry, is now two.

Christmas time, it seems, is special for Julia Roberts. Every year she makes a batch of Christmas cookies with the help of her family, using the same recipe that was passed down to her. She once said, “It’s a good food holiday in our house. I always bake my special cookies, with a little help from my family, and top them off with this amazing icing.” She also said about her children, “They are just starting to figure out what Christmas is and why it’s special. They can’t wait to unwrap all their presents.”

Julia is also one of the many celebrities who purchased a Noble Fir Tree for Christmas. These trees are very expensive and run about $190.00 for an eight-footer. I guess money is no object when you’ve had the success that Julia Roberts has experienced in her career.

New Jersey gets a bad rap. It has been called the Armpit of America. It has been spoofed on sketch comedy shows for years. And now, we seem to be buying into the whole thing with a slew of reality television shows such as Jersey Shore, Jersey Couture, and Jerseylicious. Of course, there’s also Bravo’s The Real Housewives of New Jersey.

Perhaps the Real Housewives of New Jersey do send real Christmas cards...although something tells me Teresa Giudice won't be able to afford to do that this year.

First of all, “real” housewives? Are they serious? Real housewives keep house, raise their children, write out the family Christmas cards, and, especially in today’s world, they probably work hard inside and outside the home to make ends meet and keep the family functioning. The Real Housewives of New Jersey, on the other hand, serve on committees, keep plastic surgeons in business, flip tables when things get a little too “real,” and file for bankruptcy when they go into millions of dollars of debt (ahem…Teresa Giudice). And, if their name happens to be Danielle Staub, they stir up drama with their shady pasts including sex tapes and cocaine.

But that’s okay, because, according to Staub, she “brought attention” to New Jersey. Forget Sinatra, Nicholson, and oh, I dunno… Thomas Edison? New Jersey was just a blip on the map until this woman showed up, like a Christmas miracle. She and her frenemies are supposed to represent Springsteen’s New Jersey? If you believe that, I have a toll booth I’d like to sell you on the Garden State Parkway.

With a group of drama queens like this, I bet that if they can be bothered to send them, their Christmas cards are quite a thing to read. They may be very pretty but of little substance (like their senders), or they may be gaudy on the outside and full of phony wishes on the inside (like their senders). Either way, these hypothetical holiday tidings would be just as fake as the hair extensions and boob jobs that make The Real Housewives of New Jersey such a ratings hit.

Will Kate Gosselin's 2010 Christmas cards feature a photo of sexy (or rather, trampy?) mom from her DWTS days minus eight?

Kate Gosselin has become one of the most talked about moms in history. She has books and TV shows sprouting up all over the place, which leaves us to wonder when she has time for the kiddies that made her such a celebrity. Will she be sending out Kate Plus Eight Christmas cards this holiday season or will she be ditching the kids to show the glamour of her newly found fame? You decide.

Back in 2000 Kate and Jon Gosselin had fraternal twins, Cara Nicole and Madelyn (Mady) Kate. And then four years later they were blessed with sextuplets: Alexis Faith, Hannah Joy, Aaden Jonathan, Collin Thomas, Leah Hope, and Joel Kevin. The Gosselin family dynamic would forever change (and so would their Christmas cards!). The birth of the sextuplets was filmed for a Discovery Health special and followed by a second special when the sextuplets were one. The popularity from these two specials created the reality series Jon & Kate Plus 8. Hello! These were cute kids and we loved them.

At first we didn’t notice that Kate started getting bitchier or that Jon was getting quieter and the kids were no longer the main focus. And then it became evident that the show was more and more about Kate and the products and trips that were being promoted. The relatives and friends that were frequently on the show to help with the kids were no longer around, and Kate was all over the talk show circuit proclaiming how wonderful her kids were. And she knew this because she was what – watching them on TV? She sure wasn’t at home taking care of them. She did see them when the show was taping, but I didn’t notice a lot of hugging going on when the kids were featured more on spectacular vacations and less in their everyday lives. Greed for more and more perks had changed the show and our perception of the Gosselins forever. Their Christmas cards list seemed to shrink as friends and family who were in earlier shows were suddenly not around.

Smile...or not! A picture is worth a thousand words, and the looks on the Gosselin kids' faces says it all. Perhaps they knew it would be the last John and Kate plus Eight Christmas.

Kate moved her family into a million dollar-plus home where she was seen in one episode spending the “whole” day cleaning the refrigerator herself while presumably the kids were exploring. Puhleeze…a martyr she is not! She has expensive clothes, professional (but sorta ugly) haircuts, and demands first class accommodations along with her speaking fees, and this woman is cleaning a refrigerator?

This is a woman whose family Christmas cards became a thing of the past when Jon and Kate divorced in 2009. This is a woman who claims she is working for her kids, but their bedrooms are on the other side of the mansion from hers. Kate says that she is not after fame but trying to support her kids now that she is a single mother. That’s why she had a dance studio built in her home. That’s why she was on Dancing with the Stars (no gagging please), and that’s why she is all over the magazines and gossip papers without her children.

Guess what? Other mothers are raising their children without all the perks and promotions and do pretty well. Here’s a suggestion – sell the mansion, bank the money, and support the kids on the residuals from your books and television. You can then spend time with your children, or on second thought, they may actually be better off with you away.